The Demons Inside

I had the pleasure of hanging out with two very successful educated women. We had a great evening talking, laughing and just being together. So what’s the problem? The problem is my inner demons.

What are inner demons? To me, they are the things that haunt us, that make us what we are, but can be devastating.

I spent a lot of time in my life not feeling like I was good enough. I felt like I wasn’t worthy to be with upper class people who were educated past high school, because I’m not. I felt as if I couldn’t live up to what they were because I didn’t have enough money and didn’t have an education or live in a beautiful big fancy house.

My life didn’t change till I turned 40. Prior to that I worked a few jobs, the longest lasting about 7 years, then I became a stay home mom for 7 ½ years, watching other people’s children and my own. I wanted more for myself, but didn’t know how to do it. I wanted to go farther in life, become educated, but I didn’t think I could do it because my high school education wasn’t the best. I didn’t put much into studying in school. Here is my one of my biggest demons.

I felt a strong sense of accomplishment when I passed the CPR/AED/First Aid certification. I only missed 2 questions. That boosted my confidence and let me know I am capable of anything. Never believe the small things are unimportant because they are the most important.

Back to my beginning thought. One of these women is a doctor. She holds a strong presence in our community as a great provider in thinking outside of the box. She is very progressive in her medical practice helping people on levels that regular medical physicians can’t. The other lady I was with is an educated woman who works for one of the local colleges teaching leadership and management skills to factories, making their employees better leaders. Then there’s me. I am an instructor at the Mansfield YMCA teaching kettlebells, barbells and bodyweight skills. I run a karate program, I teach life physical skills to cancer survivors and I am a personal trainer. So why do I feel inadequate? I don't have a formal education, I have a life education. I have an amazing education through StrongFirst and that allows me to give the ability of strength. I have a Functional Movement education which allows me to help people move better and I have a 5th degree black belt in Japanese karate. I should feel like an accomplished woman you say, so what’s my problem?? Those inner demons. The ones that creep up and tell you that your not good enough because you don’t have an education, you don’t make as much money as they do, you don’t live in a fancy rich house, you are a tomboy, not a lady like them. And to top it off, I spilled sausage on the hostesses white furniture because I chose street tacos as my meal and brought it to her house. I had just finished teaching karate and I was hungry (yes, I brought enough to share, they had eaten though). Those demons are ugly, they make you feel as if you aren’t worthy to be in the presence of women who have more than you, they make you feel little, ugly and out of place.

So what do you do with them??? How do you send them back to the hell that they belong in??

You punch them in the face! You let them know that you are worthy! You are amazing! You have as much to offer as anyone else! You were made to do exactly what you do and they are doing exactly what they were made to do. How do I know this??? Because we are happy with where we are in life! I love me! I feel accomplished when I think about the people I have touched and what I have been able to do for them. I feel accomplished when I can watch a cancer survivor stand up off the floor when they didn’t think they would ever be able to stand again. I feel accomplished when one of my personal trains can do a push up after training with me for 12 sessions and they couldn’t do one before they started training with me. I feel accomplished when I hear that a karate student stood up to and put that bully in its place because they learned the tools from me to protect themselves. I feel accomplished when I reflect on the person I was 7-8 years ago, weak and insecure. Now I am strong mentally, physically and emotionally and I am no longer insecure. I am a strong, determined woman who can stand up to people that try to bully me and make me feel belittled.

So your inner demons, you too can stop them. When they start to creep up in your mind, punch them in the face! They are a bully, they want you to feel less than inadequate. But don’t let them. Think to yourself all the amazing things that you have accomplished, big and small because they are all important. You are a great person that has a tremendous amount to offer to the world to make it a better place. Don’t let the inner demons haunt and control you. Send them back to their hell where they belong.